


Nothing like you and I

by Esinde Nayrall (red_squared)



Series: The Scorching One [17]
Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Bestiality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-08
Updated: 2008-05-08
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:47:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_squared/pseuds/Esinde%20Nayrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whether human-shaped or wolf-shaped, Remus wants all the same things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing like you and I

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lyras](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyras/gifts).



> For [](http://lyras.livejournal.com/profile)[**lyras**](http://lyras.livejournal.com/). She may not remember why, but ages and ages ago, [**I offered Sirius!fic in exchange for beta-ing**](http://comtesse-sin.livejournal.com/31259.html). [](http://lyras.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://lyras.livejournal.com/)**lyras** helped me out and her request for Sirius!fic was: Erm, if you can give him a moment of happiness during the misery of GP, that would be lovely.  
> Originally posted [**here**](http://red-squared.livejournal.com/67797.html).

_Didn't I tell you_  
_ What I believe_  
_ Did somebody say that_  
_ A love like that won't last_  
_ Didn't I give you_  
_ All that I've got to give baby _

_This is no ordinary love_

("No ordinary love" from Sade's "Love Deluxe")

Sirius raps his knuckles against Remus' door, fairly certain that enough time has elapsed. "Can I come in yet? Growl for no, bark for yes."

There's only silence in response.

"Did you hear me? I'll have to put this in my notes, you know," he says, as he hears the click-click of footsteps approaching the door from the other side. "Took the potion for six nights in a row, and on the sixth night, completely lost his sense of hearing. Oh," he says, as the door handle tilts. Remus dances back as the door swings into the room. "I see. Very clever."

Remus ignores him, choosing instead to lunge at Sirius' foot and bite down on his boot, tugging hard.

"Get _off_ me, you prat. I'll do that," he says, pulling his foot free of Remus' mouth and sitting down on the floor so that he can remove the boot.

It occurs to him that he should have put some more clothes on. For every clever thing, for every _human_ thing that Remus does tonight, Sirius has agreed to remove one article of clothing. But in his worry over ensuring that the Wolfsbane was brewed correctly, and making sure that Remus took it on time, he half-forgot the bet.

_Should at least have worn an under-robe with this one_, he thinks, undoing the laces, slipping off the boot and wiggling his toes reflexively. Apart from the over-robe, he's only wearing his pants, woollen stockings and boots.

_And now I'm one boot down._

"You can stop eyeing the stocking. The stocking stays on. One clever thing, one item of clothing – that was the agreement," he adds, tossing the boot into his room.

Remus whines at him.

"So we can call the Woflsbane a success, then? How was the transformation? Less painful?"

Remus whines at him again, still looking at Sirius' stockinged foot, and clearly not listening to a word he's saying.

"I'll take that as a yes then, shall I? Come on, scruffy," he says amiably, reaching out with both hands and ruffling Remus' fur. "You managed the handle, I said it was very clever. What else can you do? I'm not apt to get any more naked if you're just going to sit there all night."

Remus trots over to another door, raises himself onto two legs, and manipulates the handle, pushing the door open.

"That's the same trick," he says sternly, when Remus turns to look at him hopefully. "One trick, one item- Oh, all right, fine. But it's only a stocking," he says, peeling it off, and flinging it vaguely in the direction of his boot. "Don't get too excited."

Remus wags his tail at him, its furry weight thumping heavily against the wall as he waits for Sirius to stand up. Then, Remus runs over into Sirius' room, seizes the boot between his teeth and trots back to place it reverentially at Sirius' feet.

"Fetching my boot doesn't count," he says, smiling and walking away, striding off towards the study, which isn't easy to do with only boot on. "That's not a proper trick. That's something dogs are trained to do. It's not the sign a rational mind in a wolf's – Ow! You _bit_ me!"

There's no danger that Remus will have transmitted the curse – the bite has to break the skin for the curse to pass on. Even so, werewolf curse or not, being bitten on the arse _hurts_.

"I should be allowed to put the stocking back on, for that!"

Remus grins and then surges past him, before doubling back to weave figure eights around Sirius' legs.

"Psychotic savage," he murmurs, rubbing at the bite with one hand and struggling to keep his balance. "You'd better start being a lot nicer to me," he warns. "You can only do this once a month, but I can transform whenever I want and I _will_ repay you, you know."

Remus' grin gets even wider, but he drops back behind Sirius, noses Sirius' hand out of the way and gives the bite an apologetic lick.

"Come on," he says, making an effort to smile. "Let's go to the study."

It _is_ an effort to smile even though he's not annoyed with Remus. Not really. Certainly not _yet_.

But the two of them have had enough fights over the years for him to be able to see one coming.

All it takes is for one of them to have had a miserable day, and for the other one of them to be feeling playful, and for neither of them to be willing to accommodate the other's mood, and then it's all over until Remus apologises.

Not that it's always necessarily Remus' _fault_. Not _always_.

Rather, it's because with very few exceptions, Remus is able to read him better than he is able to read Remus. And so Remus will know when Sirius is ready to make up – Remus will certainly know when _Remus_ is ready to make up – and it's safer to leave the whole thing in Remus' capable hands.

_Better to wait than to be rejected_, he's always thought.

Because if he approaches Remus first, and Remus turns him away, he won't handle it well. They both know this, from the one or two disastrous times it's happened in the past.

And so it's Remus who will eventually come to Sirius, when he's certain that Sirius has calmed down, and say, 'I don't want to fight anymore'. And then they will make up. And it will be glorious.

_Better still than that, though, is not having the argument in the first place_, he thinks to himself, reaching down to scratch behind Remus' ears as Remus trots by his side.

"I thought we might start off with the Prophet, since it's there already. But if that's too difficult, I'm sure I could scrounge up something from the Nursery that's more your speed," he teases, smiling down when Remus looks up at him.

He's annoyed at being stuck in the house, but that isn't Remus' fault.

He's annoyed at the suspicious looks he gets from some of the other Order members – the _new_ Order members – who have no understanding of the sacrifices he's made or the things he's lost, and who see him as nothing more than an untrustworthy ex-convict, but that isn't Remus' fault either.

He's annoyed that when he wants something from Remus, Remus doesn't always time for him, but when Remus wants something from him, he always has time for Remus. And, strictly speaking, that isn't Remus' fault either.

As they turn the corner, and the study door comes into view, Remus races ahead of him, pushing the study door open and turning around to look at Sirius expectantly.

"You can't really expect me to remove another item of clothing for the same trick, now being performed for the third time?"

Remus gives him a puppy-dog look, something that Sirius has never seen on him before. Not when Remus is wolf-shaped, at any rate. He can feel his lips quirking into another smile in spite of himself.

"This is exploitation, you know. What are you - " he starts to say as Remus comes back to him and waves a forepaw at him. "What are you trying to – Are you accusing _me_ of having taken advantage of _you_ by using that sickening expression?"

Remus simply looks at him, and then when he doesn't say anything, Remus nods his head up and down twice.

"All right. You can have the other boot for a point well argued. And the stocking for managing to nod just now," he says magnanimously, sitting on the floor again to remove those items of clothing.

They've only been at this for ten minutes and he's already down to only two items of clothing. Five, if he includes his armband, the ribbon tying back his hair, and his signet ring. Referring to those things as 'clothing' is probably pushing things a bit, but if Remus is going to cheat, well, so is Sirius.

Standing back up, he makes his way to the study. Remus is waiting for him, standing next to the table, turning to look at Sirius when he enters.

"You don't really expect me to bring the paper down from the table for you, do you? Not when you could easily do it yourself? Don't look at me like that. The table isn't _that_ high."

Closing the door behind him, he transforms as he approaches the table. He stops to give Remus' muzzle a reassuring lick to buy himself enough time to adjust to the transformation, before jumping onto the table from a standing start.

"See?" he says, transforming back and swinging his legs over the edge. "Easy. Your turn, now."

Remus looks up at him and whines.

"You can take a running start if you want," he offers, snatching at the Prophet and waving it at Remus. "It's easy. Just let the wolf take over."

Remus whines at him again, lowering his belly to the floor and practically crawling away backwards.

"You _can_, it's all right," he cajoles. "There's only me here, and you can't hurt me. Let the wolf take over – there's nothing to worry about. It knows how to get up onto the table even if you don't. Let it take over."

Remus shakes his head at him, still whimpering softly.

Jumping off the table, he moves behind it. "I'll stand here, if you want. That way, you won't overshoot. I'll catch you before you can fall off."

Remus still looks doubtful, still taking small steps backwards and away from the table, but at least he's not crawling on his belly anymore.

He can understand Remus' reluctance. Partly. While the Wolfsbane allows Remus to keep his human mind when he transforms into a wolf, Remus' human mind doesn't know how to manoeuvre a wolf's body. And Remus is terrified of letting the wolf take over, because that will make him dangerous and unpredictable.

Right now, his human mind is probably telling him that there is no way he can jump onto a surface that is higher than his own head. Not without special equipment. Certainly not from a standing start. The wolf mind should know better, but Remus has spent nearly his entire life trying to ignore what the wolf tells him. And if he gives in to the wolf completely, it will be the same as if he hadn't taken the Wolfsbane at all.

_And he'll have swallowed that foul concoction for nothing,_ he thinks sympathetically, watching Remus give the table small, worried looks.

"Up here now," he says firmly, determined not to let Remus slink out of this. He slaps his hand against the table for emphasis, causing Remus to almost jump out of his skin in shock. "Do it in one go, and I'll take my pants off. That's right, you heard."

Remus backs up against the door, and is there for so long that Sirius is almost convinced he's going to beg to be let out.

Just as he's about to open his mouth to order Remus to at least _try_ it, Remus runs forward and leaps up onto the table, his claws scrabbling at the polished surface to keep from sliding off.

_As if I'd let you fall off,_ he thinks, scooping Remus into his arms as the wolf slams into him.

"Well done," he says, dropping a quick kiss onto Remus' snout. "I _told_ you that you could do it." He can hear the thumping of Remus' tail wagging triumphantly against the table top. "So proud of you," he says softly, looking Remus in the eyes. Remus pants at him happily before licking his face from jaw to temple.

"All right. Now. About the Prophe – Oh, yes, of course," he says, realising that he hasn't kept up his end of the bargain as Remus paws at Sirius' waist. "Just give me a – There," he says, wriggling free of his pants before folding them up and tucking them into a pocket in his robes – he knows better than to leave them lying around – and giving Remus another kiss. "Happy now?"

Remus gives him another lick, then steps away from him carefully, his footsteps as precise as a show-pony's as he tries to keep from sliding off the table.

_Not that you will. Not that I'd let you._

There is a set of scratch marks in the table, scored into the polished surface just now when Remus landed from his running jump. Remus noses at them and then looks up at him with a guilty expression.

"None of that, now. It's my bloody table. I don't care if you crumble it to firewood. Besides which," he says, swishing and flicking his wand and vanishing the damage. "See? All better. Now. Let's get back to the paper. Can you read this?"

He holds the Prophet up in front of Remus' face. With Remus on the table, Sirius is able to sit in one of the study chairs and hold the paper up at Remus' eye level.

"No? Is it because you can't read, or because you can't see? What if I make it - _engorgio_ \- there. What if it's a bit bigger?"

With the Prophet nearly three times its original size, Remus barks happily, settling down to read the page that's in front of his nose.

"I expect you to pay close attention, you know. There'll be questions later," he threatens, subsiding into a lazy smile when Remus looks up from the paper and gives him a withering look.

He can never stay angry with Remus for long. Most of the time, it's something he has to work at – at least, once that first wave of sheer fury has passed.

Nothing of what is happening to him is Remus' fault, but Remus is the only person he can talk to about it. And while the conversations usually start out as Sirius talking about it, before too long, they've turned into conversations where Sirius is shouting about it. And he doesn't want to shout at Remus – because, after all, it isn't _Remus'_ fault – so he has to walk away. But being walked away from hurts Remus more than the shouting does. Which usually leads to another argument.

"All finished?" he asks quietly. Remus looks up at him and gives another careful nod. "All right. I'm going to ask you some questions. Bark for 'yes' and growl for 'no'. Understand?"

Remus barks at him, and then grins. It's the same code that Sirius uses when he transforms, based on what he and James and Peter came up with so that they could communicate with one another while transformed.

"Just like that," he says, ruffling Remus' fur. Remus pulls out of his grasp and shakes himself vigorously. "All right, there?" He reaches for Remus again, scratching behind his ears. "Good," he says fondly, shifting his weight forward. Remus shifts closer too, resting his chin on Sirius' shoulder and panting contentedly as the scratching continues.

He's amazed at how silky Remus' fur is under his hands. From the look of it, he thought it would be as coarse and as stiff as hair, but under his fingers it's as soft as… well, as soft as fur, really. And the _amount_ of it that pulls out at the lightest touch, or even when Remus moves…

"You know, you shed more than I ever did," he says, taking a break from the scratching to shake the fur off his hand. "Don't growl at me," he says, pushing Remus away gently. "Just _look_ at this." Remus whines at him, ignoring his question and inserting his head under Sirius' hand for more scratching. "Subtle, Lupin. Very subtle. You know," he says conversationally, as he starts scratching again, "we _could_ do this all night. _Or_ you could answer my questions and - "

Remus is out from under his hand so quickly that it surprises the both of them.

"Questions, then?" He doesn't wait for Remus' answering bark before turning his attention to the Prophet. "Did you read this article about increasing fees for transactions at Gringotts? All right. Are the fees already in place, yes or no? Here, you can have another look, if you want."

They're testing Remus' reading comprehension, after all. Not his memory. After a quick look at the article in question, Remus growls.

"Well done," he says, giving Remus a congratulatory scratch behind the ears. Remus squirms away before coming close to paw at Sirius' robes. "Not yet! That was only one question. If you get the answers to the next four questions right, and I'll remove another item of clothing."

Remus gives him a disgusted look, but goes back to the Prophet, nosing at the pages impatiently.

"Yes, yes, all right. Move aside, then. I can't come up with questions if your head's in the way. Now…"

They manage to get through the next three questions fairly quickly, even in spite of the petting and fussing that Remus insists on whenever he gets the answer right. For the last question – a Quidditch question – Remus doesn't get it right, but Sirius awards it to him anyway, since Remus-as-a-human wouldn't have got the answer right either.

"Aw, Moony-kins, don't be mad," he says, as Remus growls softly. "You're about to get what you wanted – one item of clothing removed," he promises, smiling inwardly as Remus perks up.

The expression on Remus' face – and surprise looks _hilarious_ on a wolf – when Sirius twists the silver and jet signet ring off his finger, and sets it aside without removing anything else, is priceless. Once the surprise wears off, however, Remus is well past growling, and is in fact openly snarling at Sirius.

"Your boyfriend's a dirty tease, isn't he? I don't know why you put up with him," he says, not making any effort to keep the amusement out of his voice.

Remus' growling becomes louder as Remus stalks towards him, stepping over the Prophet and bringing himself nose-to-snout with Sirius, staring into his eyes.

"Your eyes look exactly the same as when you're human. Did you know that? I never noticed it until just now," he says calmly.

He's a little surprised at the level of Remus' annoyance, but he's not really alarmed. As he said, he can transform quickly enough to keep Remus from hurting him, and once transformed, he's never had any trouble dealing with the wolf.

"You've such pretty eyes," he says, reaching out a hand to stroke Remus as the snarl finally vanishes. "Come here, grumpy. If I take off the robe – and keep in mind that I'm not wearing anything underneath it – you're not going to do any more tricks for me, are you?"

The look that Remus gives him, even when wolf-shaped, is remarkably lascivious.

"I don't mean those sorts of tricks," he says, trying to sound stern, but failing because of how downcast Remus' expression becomes. "You don't really mean to say that you, in wolf form, still want to see me, a human being, bare?" Remus barks in reply. "Weirdo." Remus barks again. "Lusting after a man… What will all the other wolves say?" Remus grins at him. "You _do_ lust after me, don't you?"

Remus' response is to tilt his head to one side, while glancing up and to his right. It's a very human expression that looks _very_ odd on the wolf, but the intent is clear. Remus is saying without words that he'll have to think about it and get back to Sirius.

"Bastard," he admonishes, scooping Remus up into his arms and pulling him onto his lap. "What are you going to do next, hmmm?"

He straightens his legs so that Remus starts to slide onto the floor. At the last minute, he stands, holding one of Remus' forepaws in each hand, leaving Remus to balance awkwardly on his hind legs.

"We could go dancing," he offers, trying out a few steps before Remus twists out of grasp. "Not in the mood for dancing? Your legs are too short, anyway. What, then?"

Once he's safely back on all fours, Remus performs a play bow – his forelegs stretched flat in front of him, his back curved and his tail wagging furiously.

"Yes, yes. I can see you want to play, but what - " he starts to ask, as Remus thumps on the floor with his forepaws. "Is this what you want?" he asks, sitting cross legged in front of Remus. "Decided to be sensible, have you? You didn't specify what order you wanted me to remove the – Are you quite all right, there?"

Remus barks, nosing against Sirius' leg and sending shivery-tingles of pure pleasure straight to his groin.

"That tickles, you know. What are you – Remus!" he shrieks – and it _is_ a shriek – as Remus licks the sole of Sirius' foot. "Stop that, you – No, don't, not again, not…"

He's not sure if Remus isn't stopping because he can't make out what Sirius is saying over the sound of Sirius' breathless laughter, or because he knows that Sirius isn't _really_ objecting to being tickled, or because of he's chosen to ignore Sirius out of sheer bloody-mindedness.

Sirius unfolds his legs, half kicking, half pushing Remus way, but Remus dodges away from his flailing limbs and then darts back in to torment him further, just when he's almost caught his breath back, driving him to almost cry with laughter.

"…_kill_ you…never going to forget…least expect…stop it, stop it, _stop_ it," he pants, trying to pick himself up off the ground so that Remus can't get to him.

Remus, of course, uses the distraction to nip in behind him, place both forepaws on Sirius' side – under his ribcage, but above his hip bone – and press all of his weight down, causing Sirius to sputter into laughter again, squealing like a teenager.

Remus is the only person who knows how ticklish he is there. Having any sort of pressure exerted on his sides at a certain point – by being pushed, or being grabbed, or being stepped on by a sadistic wolf – makes him want to curl into a ball. After yelping like a little girl.

"This doesn't count as something clever! It is _not_ clever to tickle a wizard who is infinitely more – no, _no_, please, not again… What are you…" he pants, managing to haul himself up to a kneeling position, only to have Remus charge at him, knocking him flat onto the carpet. As soon as he's down, Remus goes for his other side, giving it the same treatment. "_Fuck!_"

Which is how he finds himself flat on his back, struggling for air while waiting for his laughter to subside.

"Still not taking the robe off," he says, bringing his hands to his middle to keep his sides covered. He's not sure he'll be able to stand up as yet – certainly not if Remus is only going to push him back down again. "You'll have to do far worse than that if you – Hello, there," he says, as Remus climbs onto Sirius' belly and stares down at him.

His eyes are still watering from the tickling, but he can make out the worried expression on Remus' face as his lover starts to whimper.

"What is it that you wa- Wait!" He has to move very quickly to catch Remus' forepaw before it comes down onto his eye. "Paws, not hands, remember?" he says gently, before bringing the paw to his lips and giving it a quick kiss.

"There's no need to look so worried," he continues, releasing Remus' paw and stretching his fingers up to scratch Remus behind the ears again. That almost always calms Remus down – even when he's human.

"I'm not hurt. Just very out of breath," he says, relaxing as Remus settles down onto him, resting his head on Sirius' chest. "I'm all _right_," he says, instantly regretting having said anything when Remus starts to whimper again. "I'm all right," he repeats quietly. "You haven't hurt me. Come here," he urges, pulling Remus close against him and resuming his scratching.

Remus drops his head back down onto Sirius' body, squirming about for a moment until he's comfortable. The claws on Remus' paws snag against his robes, but Sirius isn't overly fussed about it – it's not as though there aren't rooms stuffed full of clothing that he can make use of.

"I thought we might try a game of chess a bit later on, if you're up for it," he says, continuing the scratching and smiling as he sees that Remus has his eyes closed. "And if you manage to win," – which shouldn't be too difficult, since Sirius hates the game and has never been more than an indifferent player at best – "I'll take off my - _oh_. Oh. Did you do that on purpose?"

Remus' eyes open and he raises his head, looking down at Sirius in confusion.

"You just now…" he says, unable to say the words without blushing. "Your tail…"

He knows that Remus is looking forward to him removing the robe. So much so that Remus' tail started wagging, the whole, heavy weight of it smacking squarely down onto Sirius' groin.

"Do it again," he says softly, rubbing behind Remus' ears for further encouragement. "Please." Remus starts to raise himself up onto his forelegs, cocking his head to one side in a clear show of curiosity. "I want it," he whispers.

Instantly, Remus' tail comes down on his cock, much more accurately and _much_ more forcefully than before.

"More..."

Remus complies at once, stretching out along Sirius' body and lowering his head again, bringing his tail down with an audible _wack_.

"_Yes…_"

Remus does it again before he even has to ask, establishing a rhythm with his tail as he grinds his hips against Sirius' belly. None of it hurts – the only pain is from the pinpricks of Remus' claws, since Remus keeps forgetting that he can't use them to grip the way he can with hands – but the exquisite, jarring pressure of Remus' tail striking his groin with a steady _swish_ and a _thwack_ feels incredible.

"Yes, fuck, just like that, _please_…"

He closes his eyes, vaguely aware that he's involuntarily raising his hips to meet each blow. He's surprised at how little shame he feels, but perhaps he shouldn't. Knowing Remus for as long as he has – and as _intimately_ as he has – would put paid to anybody's inhibitions.

And regardless of shape, this is still Remus. And that's all there is to it, really. It's _not_ that he's a different species – he's still a werewolf – just a different shape. And his eyes are the same, and he _smells_ the same, and…

…and then one of Remus' hindlegs flicks Sirius' robes up and over his thighs and out of the way, and Remus' tail swings down right onto the bare, sticky, wet skin of Sirius' groin, and Sirius claws his fingers into Remus' fur so hard that it makes Remus yelp and…

…when he opens his eyes once more, Remus is gone.

"Remus..." He sits up, steadying himself with one hand on the tabletop for leverage. "Are you – Oh, I see."

Remus has his back to him, but from the frantic panting and slurping Sirius can hear, there's no doubt in his mind what Remus is doing.

"Are you… Do you want me to - " he starts to say, cutting off as Remus turns to look at him briefly before going back to what he is doing. "There's no need for that _look_," he says without heat. "I might… I mean, I could… I could do _something_," he offers.

Remus brought _him_ off. It's only fair, after all. But Remus growls softly, so Sirius stays where he is, sitting up properly and adjusting his clothing so that he is decently covered once more.

"We're going to have to do something about all that fur, you know. I thought you'd shed most of it already, but it's still coming out in handfuls."

It might not be so bad if he was wearing lighter robes, but against the dark blue fabric, the pale brown fur is strikingly out of place. A few flicks of his wand set everything to rights, though – on the outside and the inside of his robes.

"All right there?" he asks, as Remus starts to straighten up, yawning and stretching as he goes. "I could have helped you out, you know." Remus tilts his head to one side disbelievingly. "Don't believe me, do you?" He ignores Remus' bark, lowering his voice so that Remus comes closer. "Then let me ask you. When it was important, when I understood exactly what you were asking me, when I wasn't teasing…" he says, dropping his voice to a whisper, "…have I ever told you 'no'?"

Remus looks at him neutrally, as though suspecting that this might be a trick. It isn't – Sirius is entirely sincere. And he might have only realised it a couple of minutes ago, but it's no less true for all that – where Remus is concerned, he has no inhibitions left.

"Come here, now," he says, swinging an arm over Remus' shoulders – such as they are – and drawing him close confidingly. "You already know that there's almost nothing I wouldn't let you do to me," he says, trying not to smile as Remus' ears and tail point up interestedly. "Well, I say _almost_ nothing. I'm certainly not repeating the mistake of leaving my robes on while you shed all over them. So the robes will have to come off first and for that, I thought we'd agreed to try a game of chess, and – wait for me!"

Remus is out the door in a blur with a laughing Sirius hard on his heels.

"It's not in my room," he calls out. Remus stops in his tracks and turns to watch Sirius approach. "It's not in my room," he says again. "We played last night, remember? The chess set will still be in the parlour."

There's a race through the hall towards the stairs. Remus has already shot past him before Sirius can change direction.

"It doesn't matter if you get there before me, you realise! You can hardly start playing without me. What's the matter? Not afraid of the stairs, are you?"

Remus has the same worried look that he did when he was trying to get out of jumping onto the table.

"Oh Remus, not again," he says impatiently, under his breath. "You know these stairs aren't like the ones at Hogwarts. They stay perfectly still. Come on, try it sideways, if that helps."

It's probably the discomfort of pointing straight down that bothers Remus – in addition to not having full, conscious control of his limbs.

Not for the first time, he wishes he had Remus' patience for teaching and instruction.

"They're just a lot of steps. You can do steps. They're the easiest thing in the world. Come on," he cajoles again, coming up to the top of the steps to sit next to Remus. "Do you want me to go down first? You'll fall into me, if you fall at all. Remus?" he says, reaching out with one hand and stroking Remus' face.

The way that Remus is staring down the steps, frozen in shock, is genuinely worrying.

"What's the matter?" he asks gently, trying to turn Remus around to face him. "What are you frightened of? You won't fall down the stairs. Come _on_," he says, slipping onto the next lower step, taking Remus' forepaw and pulling him down.

Remus snarls so fiercely that Sirius transforms before he's had a chance to think about it. Worse still, Remus lunges forward, snapping his teeth at Sirius.

_Frightened? Angry? That'll get you down the stairs if nothing else,_ he thinks, before ducking his head to nip at Remus' legs.

Remus' answering snarl is twenty times fiercer than before, but Sirius doesn't hang around waiting for the bite. He's already well down the stairway before Remus launches himself off the top step. The leap takes Remus halfway down the stairs, perfectly poised, still snarling, and ready to fight some more.

Sirius transforms back at the bottom of the stairs, with one hand on the banister for support.

"See what you can do? You just leaped halfway down the stairs in one go, and you didn't even stumble."

As soon as Remus hears Sirius' voice, however, all of the rage goes out of him.

"Don't bloody whimper, Remus, you couldn't hurt me if you tried," he says, smiling to take the sting out of his words. "You see what you can do if you let the wolf take over? Let _go_, Remus. I won't let you hurt me."

Walking back up to meet Remus halfway, he strokes Remus' face again, giving him another scratch behind the ears. Remus whines at him.

"You're going to stay here until moonset, are you? If you transform anywhere other than your own bed, you can be certain _I_ won't be moving you."

It's a complete lie, of course, and they both know it. Sirius will do everything he can to get Remus back to the privacy of his own room for the return transformation. Failing that, Sirius will do everything he can to get Remus to his room even _after_ the return transformation so that Remus can rest properly.

"Don't want to come down? You'll have to turn around, if you want to go back up," he says, his fingers scratching harder as Remus starts to relax. "Or you can finish coming down the stairs. It's up to you, Remus. Come on," he says, trying to pull Remus down the stairs again. "It's so easy, there's nothing to it. You just have to stop thinking about it and you'll do it with no trouble."

Remus digs his claws into the fabric of the runner, refusing to budge and resisting Sirius' attempts to pull him down the stairs.

"You've no idea what you're capable of, do you? I'll walk you down every single step, Remus. Make it all the way down, and I'll take off the robe. Did you hear me? Hey. Scruffy. I'm talking to you," he says, moving Remus' head so that Remus opens his eyes and looks up at him. "You heard me when I said I'd let you do anything you wanted to me. I _trust_ you. Why can't you trust me?"

Remus licks his hand, then closes his eyes and settles his weight firmly down onto the stairs, determined not to go either up or down. Clearly, he's not going to get an answer to his question tonight.

Equally clearly, sympathetic cajoling is entirely the wrong approach to take.

He transforms again, and bites Remus, hard, on the back. _That_ gets Remus' attention, causing him to stand up, looking slightly bewildered. Sirius slams all of his weight into Remus' hindquarters, swinging the werewolf around so that his head is higher up the stairs than his tail. Remus doesn't even think about fighting. Instead, he races up the stairs – up is _much_ easier than down – and away from Sirius.

Transforming back, he summons the chess set from the parlour before heading off after Remus.

"Remus?"

He goes straight to Remus' room, where Remus has jumped up onto his bed, curled in a ball and with his paws over his eyes, as though he wants to pretend the rest of the world doesn't exist.

He climbs up onto the bed, sitting cross-legged in front of Remus, and setting the chess pieces in a pile to his left.

"Hey, Remus," he says warmly, ruffling Remus' fur with both hands. "Have you had enough for tonight? I didn't mean to bite you before, but it seemed to be the only way to get you off the stairs. Are you tired? Are you hungry? Want me to leave you alone for a bit?"

Remus responds by crawling forward and putting his head in Sirius' lap.

"Is that a yes? That you want me to stay?" Remus licks his fingers, nipping them gently. "Do you still want to play chess, or do you want to rest for now? Does your head hurt? Mine always used to. I keep forgetting how frightening all of this was when I transformed for the first time. It takes ages to get used to. I used to get these headaches because I had to think about _everything_. Not just how to walk, but how to _balance_, and… I know I'm probably the worst teacher in the world, but you're doing so well.

"I _know_ you just want to curl up and sleep off the transformation, but what if something happens and you can't? What happens if there's a fire? What happens if there's an attack? You know I'm right. It only makes sense to learn how to use this body. I'm sorry I bit you," he says, lifting Remus' head up to his face so that he can kiss Remus' nose before letting Remus settle back into his lap once more.

"This all seems so easy to me, since I spent most of the last fourteen years as a dog, and… Actually, I probably have more trouble remembering how to be human, if anything." Remus makes a quiet sound of disbelief. "You don't think so? You'd be the only one, then. Don't growl at me like that. I have eyes. I have ears. I can see and hear the way the others all talk about me.

"But I meant what I said, before. You haven't the least idea what you're capable of. I know you're scared, but there's no reason for it. Nobody's going to see you fail but me. That's if you _do_ fail, which you won't. I know you're tired, my love. It's been a long day for both of us. If you want to call it quits for tonight, that's all right. Just don't forget – you can only practice once a month."

Remus opens his eyes again, looking up at Sirius. It's not possible for Remus to smile when his jaw is that shape, but it still looks like a smile to Sirius. Twisting slightly, Remus scrabbles at Sirius' clothing with one paw.

"Ah, no. We had an agreement. If you want to sleep, then sleep. But if you want this to come off, then we keep going. I won't reward bad behaviour," he says haughtily, ruffling Remus' fur again. "So," he says, reaching for a pawn of each colour, "do you want black, or white?"

Remus rolls off him, sitting to attention on the other side of the board, and tapping at the white pieces with his paw.

"All right," he says, assembling the pieces onto the board with a flick of his wand.

It's wizarding chess, and the pieces on the board have known Remus nearly as long as Sirius has. As a result, Remus has no trouble directing his pieces hither and yon, with little taps and nudges and huffs.

It does, however, take Remus much longer to think about where he wants to move the pieces _to_.

Remus is taking it all very seriously – he always does. But as a wolf, all of his moves take nearly twice as long as when he's human-shaped. Sirius has always found chess to be an exercise in patience at the best of times. The only person he's ever really been able to stand playing chess with was James, because James played as wildly and as impulsively as he himself did.

It's almost a relief when someone starts banging at the front door.

"I wish they wouldn't do that. They're going to set her off if they keep that up," he mutters, swinging his legs out of bed and checking himself in the mirror to ensure that he's decent. His feet are bare, and his pants are folded up and tucked in his pocket, but to all outward appearances, he looks presentable.

Remus' ears prick up, and he looks like he's going to jump off the bed and come too, but Sirius forestalls him.

"You stay here and think about your next move," he says, giving Remus a quick scratch before turning away. "And don't move any of the other pieces!" he calls over his shoulder.

"Coming, coming, coming," he says under his breath, racing down the stairs towards the front door. It takes a while to undo all of the locks and bolts and charms on the door – normally, he has Remus to help him. "Just a minute," he growls impatiently, shooting back the last bolt.

"Hello, Elphias." Elphias doesn't say anything, but looks around behind Sirius as though looking for someone else. "Please, come in. Is something the matter?" He'd already told people that they should stay away tonight, so he hopes that this is important. He doesn't want Remus getting disoriented or confused with too many people around.

"No, nothing's the matter," Elphias says. "I just wanted to bring around the maps of the Department of Mysteries. We still haven't deciphered the Runes that drive the order in which the different rooms appear and disappear, and so - "

"You're assuming that the rooms _do_ appear and disappear," he says. "I've already told Professor Dumbledore that it takes a lot of magic to do that, and for not much gain. For all you know, the rooms might be linked into a rotating mechanism that operates behind each of the doors." It's the same principle that drives the moving staircases at the school.

"Albus and Hestia _and_ Emmeline think that it's rooms appearing and disapp- "

"That's ridiculous. Why would they think that?"

"I'm not sure I understand it myself. Look, could you put those in a safe place for – What are you doing?" Elphias asks, as Sirius unrolls the scrolls.

He ignores the question – it should be obvious what he is doing – and looks at the neatly quilled sketches. It's been a while since he's had to decipher the Arithmancy used for building codes, but he helped to write the Marauder's Map, after all. There is a knack to finding passageways and passwords for magical buildings.

"Hestia said she'd drop by later to take another look at those. Could you make sure they're kept somewhere safe?" Elphias asks. "The sooner we – " Elphias stops when he hears Remus bark. "Oh, tonight's the Full. I'd forgotten that."

They both look up to the top of the stairs where Remus is standing, waiting for Sirius.

"It's all right," he says smiling. "He's not going to be a bother to anybody but himself. He's taken the Wolfsbane, and - "

"Has he? Where is he getting it from? A lot of the apothecaries that offer it aren't particularly reputable, and - "

"I made it for him," he says, wondering why Elphias looks so startled.

"Is that - ? I hear it's quite challenging to brew. Was it successful?"

He is irritated by Elphias' questioning. It's not as though he's had no experience with potions. He was a fully qualified Healer before he was arrested and taken to Azkaban. The Wolfsbane, while a complex potion, is nothing compared to some of the potions he's prepared in the past. More to the point, Elphias already _knows_ all this, since they were in the Order together during the first war.

_But all anybody ever seems to remember is that I'm an escaped prisoner._

"It seems to be," he says, trying not to take anything Elphias says personally. Turning back to Remus, he waves a hand in the direction of their rooms. "Go back, Remus. I'll be up in a minute."

Instead, Remus settles down to wait at the top of the stairs.

Elphias glances up at Remus again, before saying, "Is it safe for us to… To be human around him?"

"He _can_ actually hear you, you know. And understand what you're saying."

"You're sure the Wolfsbane was successful?"

"I'll have to ask Remus tomorrow morning to be certain, but for now - "

"You've never brewed it before?" Elphias asks sternly. "You _did_ get Severus to advise you on - "

"I don't require Snape's advice on anything," he says curtly, more offended than he can say that Elphias seems to think he needs to be supervised. "Certainly not in regards to this. If he won't deign to make the potion himself, I fail to see why he should be sticking his beak into _my_ \- "

"It's an incredibly dangerous brew," Elphias says, as though Sirius were a child.

"Complex. Not _dangerous_."

"Did you have access to fresh ingredients?"

"I didn't use the potions stock that's been mouldering around here for the last thirty years, if that's what you're wondering," he says. "Remus purchased everything that was necessary, and I started brewing the potion two weeks ago."

"Shouldn't he at least be properly restrained until you're certain that the potion has worked?"

_I **know** it's worked. From the second he opened his bedroom door like a human being, it's obvious to anybody who's spent any time with him that the potion's worked._

"Elphias, I've seen what Remus is like without taking anything. If the potion hadn't worked, he wouldn't be patiently waiting for me at the top of the stairs. He'd be down here with his teeth in my leg. And that would be after he'd had a go at you."

" Perhaps I should have a word with Albus, to find somewhere more secure for Remus to transform each month. Sirius, you can't keep taking these sorts of chance with – "

He's barely opened his mouth to tell Elphias to mind his own business when he hears Remus' loud, snarling growl from the top of the stairs. Both he and Elphias startle in alarm and the maps go tumbling to the floor. Sirius looks up in time to see Remus half-stumble, half-fall down the stairs to land in a crash of limbs and fur and teeth.

"Remus, what are you - " he starts to say, as Remus picks himself up and moves to stand between Sirius and Elphias, still with his lips pulled back in a snarl.

"This is exactly what I was talking about. I'll have a word to Albus," Elphias says, eyeing Remus warily.

Remus barks loudly, making both of them jump again.

"Ssh, stop that," he says, kneeling down and winding an arm around Remus' throat to keep him from leaping forward.

Elphias gives them a withering look, _accioing_ the maps from the floor and rolling them back up into neat scrolls. "Perhaps I should come back tomorrow morning, then, if - "

"No, it's all right," he says, making himself smile back. He's not about to reach for the maps again and initiate some feeble tug-of-war with Elphias. "It's perfectly safe to leave them here for Hestia, if — "

"Right, then. See you in the morning!" Elphias says, before leaving and slamming the door behind him.

Remus growls at the door and starts to take a step forward, but falters before he completes it.

And that's when he realises…

"That wasn't the wolf that got you down those stairs, was it?" he says. The way in which Remus had half-fallen down the stairs was nothing like the graceful way in which he'd leaped down the stairs when the wolf had driven him. "That was _you_. Are you all right?" he asks worriedly, seating himself on the floor. "Did you hurt yourself?" Remus barks. "Did you break anything?"

Remus looks at him and whines, putting his head into Sirius' lap and staring up at him soulfully.

"Is that a yes or a – Oh, I see. You want to be fussed over, do you? Let me see your shoulder – no, not that one, stupid. The one you landed on when you came charging down the stairs," he says, gently rolling Remus over so that he can press his palm over the shoulder. "You're too furry for me to see if you're going to bruise up or not. Still. This can't hurt. Episkey." Remus' leg kicks as Sirius casts the healing charm. "Quite the opposite, in fact."

Remus growls again, before facing the door and snarling at it.

"I know you wanted him to leave, but what did Elphias say to upset you? Was it all that talk of finding somewhere else for you to transform? You don't need to worry about that. I wouldn't let anybody do that to you. No?" he says when Remus growls. "That's not it? What, then?"

Remus presses his forepaw against Sirius' chest.

"Me? Was it something I said?" he asks, trying to think back on what that might be. Remus growls again. "I don't…"

And then he has it.

"Was it what he was saying about me that upset you?" Remus barks. "Silly wolf. You don't need to get all worked up on my behalf," he says, scratching behind Remus' ears. "You came crashing down the stairs like that to defend my honour?" he asks, smiling when Remus barks again. "_Thank_ you."

Remus wriggles closer and noses at his throat.

"That tickles, stop that!" he laughs, pushing Remus away. Remus relents but looks at him intently. "What is it? What's the matter?" Remus looks pointedly at the door before looking back at him. "Something to do with Elphias? Something to do with what he said to me?" Remus barks in the affirmative both times. "All right, what did we talk about… Something to do with the Wolfsbane? No? Something… You know, next time we're doing this, we might try a game of Charades, what do you think? All right. All _right_. What else did we… Something to do with the maps of the — Yes? Something to do with the maps... All right, then," he says, struggling to work out what Remus is trying to tell him.

Remus nuzzles at his throat again, and gives an enquiring whine.

"I said it tickles, not that it hurts. It doesn't hurt, if that's what you — Is that what you're asking me? Am I hurt? No, I'm not — " He stops as Remus looks at the door and growls again. "Are you asking if Elphias hurt me when he…" What had they been talking about? "Did he hurt me when he took the maps? Is that what you want to ask me?"

Remus barks.

He's about to say that no, he's not hurt, but in truth he is.

And he's ashamed because he was about to lie to Remus, when he _never_ lies to Remus about this sort of thing. If he doesn't want to discuss it, he'll simply say that. But he'll never actually say that he isn't upset when he is.

He's further ashamed when he realises that the reason he was about to lie is because he doesn't feel comfortable confiding his weaknesses to this Remus. This wolf-shaped Remus who needs _Sirius_ for protection and support, rather than the other way around.

But he's the same. Same eyes. Same smell. Same soul.

_Same Remus._

"Yes," he says. It's difficult for him to admit it. Remus whines and nuzzles into him once more. "Yes, he did, but it doesn't matter." Remus growls softly, clearly disputing the point and insisting that it _does_ matter.

"I'm all right," he says, hugging Remus to him. "Just fed up. And tired." Very, very tired. "But it doesn't matter, really. I'd much rather spend my time with someone who appreciates me. Even if they're covered in fur that sheds by the handful," he says, ruffling Remus' fur with one hand and smiling up at him. Remus lifts his face up so that he can look back at Sirius. "Yes, that means you, in case you were wondering," he laughs.

Remus twists out of his grip, before pawing at Sirius' robes.

"I did say I'd take them off if you made it down the stairs, didn't I? All right, I'm a man of my word, just give a moment," he says, struggling to his feet and pretending he can't hear his joints crack. "_You_ might find it easier going up the stairs than you do down, but it's not the same for all of us."

Remus dances around behind him as he stands, and for a moment he is worried that Remus is going to bite him again, but the next second, Remus races past him, surging up the stairs.

He feels suddenly exhausted, but ignores his tiredness and follows after Remus. Again, it isn't _Remus'_ fault that all of the playfulness, all of the _fun_ in the evening has been snuffed out.

He's lost sight of Remus by the time he reaches the stairs, but Remus reappears just as Sirius pulls himself onto the landing and barks happily. He's only just moved away from the stairs when Remus races behind him, practically snapping at his heels and butting his head against the backs of Sirius' legs to make him move faster.

"Yes, yes, all right," he says, starting to undo the fastenings of his robe as he walks towards Remus' bedroom.

As soon as they're through the door, Remus leaps up onto the bed in one bound and turns to face him, panting. Catching Sirius' eye, he thumps his paws against the bed.

"What is it now?"

He's halfway through undoing the fastenings of his robe when Remus jumps down, darts behind him and pushes against him once more, clearly herding him towards the bed.

"Want me to sit here? All right," he says, perching himself on the edge of the bed.

Before he can remove much more of the robe, Remus scrabbles up onto the covers beside him and paws at his chest.

"Yes, I'm taking it off. Give me a moment, won't you."

Remus presses forward, unbalancing him and flattening him onto his back, before climbing on top of him.

"What are you doing?" he asks softly, shifting back so that his legs are stretched flat across the bed rather than dangling over the end. "What do you want from me?" Remus glances away, peering determinedly around the room. "Hey, Remus," he says, reaching a hand up and stroking Remus' jaw. "Look at me, please."

Instead of turning to look at him, Remus jumps down onto the floor again. And before Sirius can sit up, Remus jumps back onto the bed.

With something in his mouth.

"What have you got there?" he asks, holding out a hand for it. Remus relinquishes the item before Sirius can see what it is, but when he gets his fingers onto it, he realises it's parchment, and when he gets a proper look at it, he realises that it's one of Elphias' maps. "_Remus_ you naughty wolf," he laughs.

He sits up with his back against the headboard as Remus comes to him. Setting the map to one side, he pulls Remus close and kisses him once between the eyes, and again just above his nose.

"This is all very nice but I mean what I said earlier, you know. I'd much rather spend my time with someone who appreciates me. You _do_ appreciate me, don't y- " He cuts off as Remus lowers his head and laps at Sirius' bare chest, making him shudder with want. "Well. You didn't bark, but I think I'll take that as a 'yes'."

Remus steps back and paws at Sirius' robe, pulling it open. And then Remus takes another step back and deliberately looks Sirius up and down appraisingly before panting at him.

"I knew you were only after me for my body," he says theatrically. Remus whines worriedly and noses at the map. "It was a _joke_, Remus. Hey," he says, pulling the map away from Remus. "Body and soul, nobody has ever made me feel wanted" – or loved, or safe – "the way you do. Let's forget about this for now," he says, flinging the map off the bed, "and just see where the night takes us. After all, it's your move," he says, smiling as Remus turns his attention to the neglected, sulking chess pieces.

"Oh, and Remus," he whispers, running his fingers through Remus' belly-fur and stroking firmly down, "I wasn't talking about the chess set."

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated and treasured -- even (especially?) on a fic as old as this one!


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